maandag 25 augustus 2014

Decision time

I am writing this blog while traveling by train from west to east.
Today work starts again.
The seven weeks holiday has been great.
I have lived with him all these days and it felt as it has been like that for many years.
He made coffee this morning for the both of us.


A few weeks before the holiday started I have made a decision.
The coming year I am going to search for another job.
I have taught almost 25 years and for most of the time I have loved it.
I am very gratefull for all the experiences I got over these years. 
The students who I taught and from which I learned a lot.
My colleagus with whom I worked together and they also taught me a lot.

But I noticed within myself the urge for a change. 
My motivation is going down.
That is not good for me, and not good for my students and colleagues.

I have a hate/love affair with the fashion world.
The over-production of garments.
The horrible situations in the factories.
Those are a few reasons why I want to stop and change.

Now there is room and space to search and develop into a new direction. 
Within the coming year I hope to find it. 

I have spoken about it within the organisation of my work.
There is no hiding or neither a secret that I want to take this step.
I got a lot of support till now from the people around me at my work and in my private life.

I really don't know what the direction will be. 
There are little thoughts and ideas. 
The proces has already started.

Because I like writing one of the things to start with will be a new blog in Dutch.
The content will be focussed on my search. 
At this moment I am thinking about a good title for it.

This blog will be slightly on hold for a while.
Little posts might appear if I feel the urge to write.

Another thing I have planned to do is clearing out my house. 
I want space and room within myself and this really needs to be done.

There is help for me in this proces. 
Coaching.
Books to read and people to talk with.

I am really looking forward to it.
The energy is there.
Time for a change.



zondag 17 augustus 2014

Day 38. Chartres - Deventer

Chartres.
The city with the biggest Cathedral from France.
It belongs to the Unesco World Heritage.
Most of it is built between 1194 and 1250.
More than 800 years old.

We both had never been there.

Entering the square where the Cathedral is standing the only thing I thought was :

How on earth was this made?
The scale.
The details.
The stonework.
The stained glass windows.


And: 

Who made it?
How many men did fall down during the building?
How proud they must have been when a statue was ready and placed.


It is a huge and  very impressive building.



Like a landscape made of stone.


On the outside by the entrance is beautiful stonework carving.
It reminded me of patchwork patterns.



I have to say: there is beautiful stonework everywhere at the Cathedral.

Beautiful long statues look down on you.



We walked in and my first thought was to walk out to calm down.
The hight of the ceiling and the light of heaven.


The clearness of the stained glass windows.
Blue, red, yellow, green and more.
It all sparkles and shines and tells the biblical stories like a picture book.


There are the signs of the Zodiac.


The blue Madonna.


Than there are the little rooms filled with statues.
Like a diorama.


They tell biblical stories.
This one is about the announcement. The angel is the one between the two women.


It reminded me immediatley of the work: "The Greeting" by Bill Viola in Museum De Pont in Tilburg.

As written before. The scenes tell biblical stories, but the garments they wear are from the time the statues are made. So it is the history from long time before Medieval times placed in the time the Cathedral was built.

This scene shows a nursery. The mother who gave birth to her son is in bed. 
The baby is washed by the mid-wife of that time.



Because last friday was Maria Assumption I have to post the Maria from Chartres.


The Cathedral is due to renovation and cleaning. 
On the left before and on the right after. 
It makes a  big difference.


Also the outside is already partly cleaned.



It will be a big difference to see the Cathedral in this light and almost airy state.

Because beauty can be too much, we headed for coffee on a terrace.
Later we went back. 
To see the rest and admire Peter on the outside with the keys from  the gate of heaven.



And the little sleeping man on a cloud.


We left round 14.30 hrs. and arived at home in Deventer round 22.00 hrs.
It was a wonderfull day and a very special holiday for me.



Day 37. Going Home

It was:
Bye Bye Swimmingpool.
Bye Bye Beautiful house.
Bye Bye Dordogne.

from Beune to Chartres.

We found a hotel in the centre of Chartres.
Had a good vegetarian dinner in the Italian reataurant named 'Roma Nostra'.
(Still amazed that going our for a good vegetarian dinner in France is not possible.)
At our neighbour table 2 priests in their black outfits were eating and drinking. They didn't need to pay the bill. The owner of the restaurant only told them: Pray for me.
Next time we will dress up like priests for a free dinner.
They left, wearing over their outfit a motor jacket, and holding in their hands a motor helmet.
Priests on a motorbike.

We walked around on our last evening in France and found out that Chartres had a light festival in the centre. The so called: Chartres en lumieres.
We remembered our first night in France.
Bayeux also had a light festival we saw.

We passed a markethall and there it was.





We both liked this work because it added something to the building and it was not a picture, or a moving image.

More could bee seen.
Ofcourse at the famous Cathedral.


On another part of the building the statues where dressed in bright coloured clothes.
The next morning everything would be grey stone again.



And on the garden and the museum behind the cathedral one could see a moving image about the history of art as a Persian Carpet.




On and on a great evening together.
We slept in a room named: Jasmine.
Why on earth was this room pink?



vrijdag 15 augustus 2014

Day 36. Last day thoughts

The last day in our French paradise has arrived.
No more swimming after waking up.
I look good and feel good.
Calm and relaxed.

Tomorrow we set off to go home.
We will be home on saturday.

Driving back is also part of the holiday.
No rush. Relaxed.

It has been a great, and memorable holiday.
The first time with him.
We go so well together.
I feel so close to him.
The feeling that we belong together.
All I can say is that I really love this man.

There have been moments that I look at our relation from a distance.
That I step out to watch at it.
Than it feels like a miracle.
How is it possible that I can feel this again for a man?
After being together for more than 30 years with the love of my life?
I totally didn't expect that this would happen, and that I could feel it again.
That I would be able to love a man again, the way I did for all those years before he passed away.
That mourning can go together with the joy of a new love in my life.
Tears from missing him.
Room for sorrow.
But also room for happiness and well being.

The man I met for the first time on the 28th of December last year.
Who stayed and will stay.
I am sure of that.
I feel blessed with it all.
Grateful and thankful.

This afternoon we visited Domme.
A pretty village on top of the hills.
We walked around.
Stunning views on the surroundings.



We walked and talked.

Driving back.
Saint-Cyprien. One of my favourite villages.
Last dinner at home.
Artichokes ofcourse.
Life is good.



donderdag 14 augustus 2014

Day 35. Caves


Dordogne.
Caves all over.
The most important one is ofcourse Lascaux.
Closed for the public but the secret is still there.

We couldn't leave here without going to one at least.
Very close to where we stay are a few important ones.
The one we choose is named: 'Grottes des Combarelles', with engravings who are 13thousand years old.

Not many people are allowed to visit it during the day.
This cave was allowed 35 people a day.
Seven in a group and a guide.

But getting a ticket took time.
You gave to be there round eight and the ticket office opens at half past nine.
When we arrived at ten past eight there was already a long cue waiting.
We were lucky.
There was space in the group at half past twelve.
At the ticket office we could see some scematic drawings of the figures we would see.


Outside are:
Rocks in various colors.



Plants,


And mosses.


The door to the cave was opened and we stepped in.


Photograhy is forbidden.

Dark and rather fresh.
Damp also.
A long narrow corridor we had to follow with a few lamps.

The first engraving we saw was was from a cow.
Absolutely mindblowing.
We did see reindeers, mammoths, horses, a donkey, fertility signs, women without heads, male and female genitals.
Some of them had still a little bit of color, but most of it is faded during the time.
It was more impressive than I did expect.
To realize that this was made so long ago, and that we were allowed to see it.



A lot of questions came up.

Who made them?
The same human beings as we are?
Did they had the same feelings as we have?
Fear? Anger? Joy?
Why were they made?
Was there a meaning to do it?
Where they shown during that time?
Who did see them for the first time or the last time before it was discovered?

The lines were done so accurate.
How was this possible with the instruments they had?

When we came out the sun was shining.
Light after a dark and touching trip.

Day 34. Buddhism

Tibetan buddhism is all over the world.
It can be found in the Dordogne too.

Not far from where we stay is a is the 'DHAGPO KAGYU LING" centre.
Settled on the hills close to Saint-Léon-sur-Vézére.
We both wanted to go there.

Jos knows a lot about buddhism.
I am interested in it.

The centre has started in an old farmhouse which is now one of the two temples.
When we arrived we immediately saw the stupa with a lotus on top.



I lighted a candle in memory of Bram.
Than a monk arrived and started speaking to me in Tibetan.
I couldn't understand a word, but it was interesting to listen en to look at this old man.
He invited me to walk in circles round the stupa, which I did for  few rounds.
There was silence and during the walk he pointed to the surroundings.
All I could do was smile to him.

I said -in my way- goodbye to him.
It was an interesting experience for me.

Monks are dressed in red, purple and orange or a mixture of those colours.
That stands for 'being in bloom'.
Jos took a photo from the laundry of a monk hanging to dry.


The centre itself has a beautiful new light and airy building with a curved ceiling.



Used as a temple and  for lectures and courses.

There was a big Buddha in the centre with beautiful hands.



Piles of meditation cushions 



Prayer flags.




Prayer wheels.



I have done meditation a few years ago almost every day.
It was very good for me.
Just sit and be aware of breathing in and out.
That sounds easy but is very difficult to do.

That is why the word meditation is in the name of my blog.
For a reason I don't know exactly why it has stopped.
It might have been that I didn't took time for it because my life was filled up with taking care of Bram. 
My life during that hard time was not about taking time for myself.
I was there for him, 24 hours a day. 
That also has done me good.

I am thinking about to start again.
Perhaps five minutes a day.
Sit, breath in, breath out.

The visit to the centre has started me thinking again.
Who am I?
What do I want?
Is buddhism a path to follow?

I took two stones with me to be placed on Bram's grave.
Wherever I go I take a stone with me for him.

Day 33. GastSchrijver

Verhaaltje

In het circus in Saint-Cyprien

leefden twee zeemeerminnen.
Een met een gele staart,
de ander met een blauwe.
Ze hadden allebei roze haar.
En een glitterjurkje.

Two mermaids were living
at the circus in Saint-Cyprien.
One with a yellow tail,
the other with a blue one.
Both had pink hair.
And a glittering dress.


Ze wilden graag zwemmen
in het zwembad van Beune,
maar ze durfden niet.

The really would like to swim
in the swimmingpool from Beune,
but they didn't dare.



Ze waren bang voor water.

The were afraid of water.



Toen durfden ze opeens wel.

Than suddenly they dared to do it.


Ze genoten in elkaars armen
van het blauwe water.


The enjoyed in each others arms
from the blue water.



Ze verdronken bijna
en redden elkaar.

The almost drowned
and saved eachother.



Ze wilden voor altijd
samen zwemmen
en nooit meer naar het circus.

The wanted to swim togehter
for always
and never back to the circus.

JvH