maandag 31 december 2012

High Tide..

The water from the river Ijssel -just 2 streets from our house- is rising.
I always love this when it happens. 
Nature has his own rules. Sometimes it is floading over the street behind the quay. 
It won't happen this time...unfortunately..

So over the last days we made walks -while I push the wheelchair- among the river almost every day. I have found out that most people are very kind to "wheelchairpeople and their pusher". We can go on the little ferry as the first ones...people stop their car so we can cross the street etc.

And because Bram is wearing a great hat (originally mine, and No, I didn't knit that one... but it looks so great on him) he gets a lot of attention. Even in the Supermarket last week a lady came up to us to tell how wonderfull he looked with that hat.. She was right ofcourse!

So we took a walk on X-mas day with Jim (4 already!)and his Parents..and No, that red blanket is not specially for X-mas.

The wheelchair.
I remember a friend telling me that when he was pushing his -dare I say...Gorgeous Wife, because she is- he felt really connected with her. I couldn't understand that at that time, because pushing that wheelchair was so difficult for me. Now I understand that so much better..and Yes, Louis, you are right with that..and..Yes Maaike..You are Gorgeous!

High Tide it is..

The Crossing takes longer...

Water in the park....looks like it is drowned..

Trees with their feet taking a bath..

Even the road is a bit flooded. This one we could take, while the next one was way to deep for my shoes.

Geese are flying over....

And are swimming in the river..

Beautiful vieuw on the City I love so much..

Hight Tide also some days in our life.
Some days go more or less well, while others are difficult.
Very painfull to see this happening to him. Very painfull for me too..
I try to do it the way we want, simply because I so love this man.

But it is hard to see him going this way. The man I fell in love with, with is charm and enthousiasm, his drive and spirit, his opinions and emotions has now sometimes become a man who has fear in his eyes. Any day, anything can happen which can change everthing into another direction. We are both afraid for that..and, as my colleague Riky told me, that shenoticed that I was getting more nervous over the last months..she is right by that, but I simply can't change that now. It is all part of the proces we are in at the moment.
But she did send us those beautiful little birds which was so lovely to get..

The fact of life is, that we are born alone, and that we die alone. We all know that, but we often push that far least I do..
Saying goodbye was never a strong point from me. I remember on the ferry from Oslo to Kiel, that leaving Norway was so difficult. I wanted to stay there because I felt so good in that country. Guess that is the same with people you love..You just don't want them to leave you.

December was different this year..maybe this was the last time together, Who knows what 2013 will bring....we all don't know that..
And No, I am not sad today, but it just different..
But we are surrounded by loving people which makes everything so much better.

And, as for Knitting...
No, I didn't finish my Odinn.. 2 sleeves still waiting..
I hardly did knit some rows on it, but it will be finished somewhere in 2013..and next to that..a good and cold winter hasn't arrived yet..
Didn't block my finished scarf..perhaps some day the coming will be lined with a Liberty fabric..
A cowl for our New Great CleaningLady (she cleaned the bathroom, and now it looks like we have a new one...seriously!) will be cast on soon..and one for me too (Yes Jon, after your pattern!)

Plan for the coming week...
Clear out my workroom...
Clear out other rooms...
Assemble an Ikea cupboard..
Assemble more things from Ikea...
I need to make new curtains..HELP!
And RELAX a little bit..

3 opmerkingen:

  1. Your love for Bram shines through in every word you write, every pic you take and every stitch you knit. Sometimes it takes my breath away when I read your blog. I wish you and your family and friends nothing but good things in the new year.

    Agnès ♥

  2. Lieve Jan,

    Je blog is sterk en mooi. Geniet! En adem.
    Een liefdevol 2013 voor jullie beiden.

    En ik geniet van je foto's van mijn geliefde Deventer. Prachtig die bomen met hun voeten in het water!

  3. Lieve Jan,

    Wat weer een bijzondere, mooie, liefdevolle en ontroerende blogpost. De foto's zijn fantastisch en ik vind die met Bram er op zo krachtig en kleurrijk!!
    Je prachtige woorden raken me diep in mijn hart en zorgen voor tranen. Zo goed weet jij te benoemen hoe dit proces voor jullie is, het verdriet, de strijd met jezelf en het leven, de angst, de acceptatie.
    Jean Paul Sartre zal misschien wel een punt hebben, maar tijdens de geboorte waren er mensen om je heen die er voor je waren, ook al moest je zelf door het geboortekanaal. Ook tijdens het sterven zijn er mensen om je heen (als het goed is) en wordt je als mens liefdevol naar de andere zijde begeleid. Met die grote liefde van jou naar Bram zal dat helemaal 'gedragen' worden, mocht de tijd daar zijn.
    Lieverd, ik hoop zo enorm, met heel mijn hart, dat 2013 voor jullie samen mag zijn. Dat jullie nog veel van die mooie wandelingen langs de rivier kunnen maken. Nog vaak samen kunnen koffiedrinken in de stad. Samen een wijntje en advocaatje kunnen nemen in de avond. In de tuin kunnen zitten.

    In gedachten bij jullie.

    x x x