woensdag 6 juni 2012
Sometimes I have to write a blog just after something has happened.
Tonight is such a moment.
This afternoon I went to the Filmtheatre to see the fim: WEEKEND by Andrew Haigh. I had read articles and an interview with the director of this film, and had decided that I really wanted to see this fim. This movie came under my skin..that doesn't happen that much..it will probably stay there for some days...
And next to that there was the beautiful music from John Grant
It tells the story of 2 men, Russell and Glenn -who met in a gaybar somewhere in Scotland- and this one night stand becomes something more during the weekend. It is a love story of 2 men who talk, laugh, tell the stories of their lives, argue, feel, touch, have sex...everything that happens when you meet someone and something - not always a relation- comes out of it.
It is a small movie. Very sensitive and sensual in a good way.. Set in a flat on the 14th floor. No glamour insight. Very direct and open and touching for the viewers.
It is not a cliche kind of film..not a typical Gay movie..It is about love and how complicated and difficult it can be when you are gay compared to when you are born straight.
Glenn is the one who had his coming out, is loud and has strong opinions, but in a way is afraid of getting close with someone, while Russell is more introvert which has to do with his background and he falls in love with Glenn in an honest way.
For me this film really explains to straight people how difficult, and different it is when you are gay. How much pain and struggle it is to live the life you want to live..
First you have to find out who you are...Nothing is logical..
After that you find out that it is not all about sweet roses...and you have to find a way to deal with this.
It is a Must-See for straight people..so go if you can..and please don't walk away if you see them having sex..as happened this afternoon in the cinema....remember that there are hardly films for gay people where you can see the way they live.. and I never walk away out of a good movie where a man and woman have sex...
The difficulty lies in the fact that the whole world is based on being a heterosexual.
Homosexuality is the Problem of the "Straight" Heterosexual world. They make a problem if they see 2 men kissing eachother in the street. They start screaming or yelling..I never start doing those things if I see a man and woman kiss eachother...but 2 men??!!
Ofcourse not all Straight people think this way. I don't want to offend any of my dear friends.
But when you come to sex between 2 men..it can be a problem.. even for the most liberated straight people.
This movie shows it all in real good and honest way.
When I met Bram almost 30 years ago on a Gay evening in a rough youth centre I didn't fall in love that evening. After a nice chat I gave him my phone number and he went away..(I discovered when I wanted to go home that my bicycle was stolen..but that is another story) He phoned me up the next evening and we made an appointment. He would pick me up round 19.00 hrs that coming friday for a dinner somewhere in Deventer where he lived.
He rang the bell that friday evening, and after opening the door he gave me a smile...The next split of a second I totally fell in love..no doubts..nothing like that. It was overwhelming. I knew deep inside that this was the man for me.
We had a lovely dinner (very romantic) and after that night we started our relation...Not always easy.
He was older, different experiences in life than I had. A marriage behind him. A son.
I was loud, with strong opinions, an actvist, but the reality of having a relation was kind of scary to me. What would everybody think of us??
It took some years for me to come over this uncertainty.
One important part that has helped me was going to ArtSchool and study FashionDesign.
This has opened up my personality and gave me a different perspective on life and the things that are important to me.
Bram has always been very supportive on the choices I made over the years.
With him I dicovered the world we love. Friends, Art, Film, Theatre, Nature,Camping etc.
Not everyone around me was very supportive when I had my coming out. I lost friends and it was not that easy for my close family.
There is always this idea that being gay, you can't be really happy..or that your life will be miserable and lonely.
I have felt lonely when I lived alone, but never felt lonely since living with Bram and since having close friends around me.
I can say that I am happy and that I am living the life I want. I don't care anymore what people will think of me when I push the wheelchair or when I kiss Bram in public. Crossing that border was years ago.
But having said that: that was not a feeling I had in the beginning of our relation. It was not positive at all. It was all rather scary to me.
That is the difference when you are born gay instead of straight.
Nothing is logical.
I dont feel that I am a victim. Never felt that way.
My life so far has brought me a lot.
Insights in the subjects of Life.
Not always easy (certainly not in this stage of the relation), but really worth it.
This movie has given me lot's of thoughts and feelings about myself.
Jan, Male, 53, Gay.