zondag 3 juni 2012

Life goes on...and on...

No writing for the whole month of May. Didn't feel the urge to write. No reason. Life became a bit complicated over the last months. Bram has been very weak and needed care and attention. He is still weak. No energy and very tired. Things won't get better we know. It is loss and more loss and we have to deal with that feeling. It is not a choice. It happens and we have to go on with it, one way or another. 
No summer-holidays anymore to Ireland..no talks with Anne at the table and eating her delicious scones and soda bread..no dinners at Sven and Inez and the kids in their beautiful house with stunning view..,no more coffee in Clifden at UpstairsDownstairs where they serve home baked lemoncake and a good cappucino outside in the sun, and no more visits to The Clifden Bookshop for a chat with Nicole and to buy my books there..also no more visits to Marianne und Heinz and swimming in the sea with a lovely walk to get there....but we have good memories and we travel in our mind very often to those places. Deep inside I knew last summer was the last time we would be there...that was the reason why I had to cry so much when we left.

I always think how lucky it has been that we have met, and that we have so much interest in common. We both love the Northern Countries, visual art, film, walks, nature. Guess that is the strong point of our relation. It is limited now, but not gone.

Not always easy, but for me it feels as a lesson in humility. Bent like bamboo is my mantra. Last week at the hospital I once again was confronted with the vulnerability of life. We had hoped that his body had reacted positive over the last six weeks, but unfortunately it didn't. So we both felt down. Than the only cure is..don't fight, but try to accept the way it is without anger, but with love. 
Usually that goes well most of the days, but being human..sometimes it can feel too much. Sadness, fear of losing him, anger..it all sneaks around the corner in my mind. But I don't want those feelings taking over me. It would bring me out of balance in a way that is not good for the both of us. I talk and share those feelings with my therapist, which helps me to do the things the way I do them now.

I just read an interview with a geriatic specialist who said that we all think that life is infinite and that we don't want to think about the end of it. Healthcare can take over too much of the natural proces of life. That is so true in my opinion.

So, the one thing we can do is enjoy the moment if possible. Coffee on a sunny terrace in town.  With the wheelchair on the ferry crossing the river for a walk in the park on a sunny sunday afternoon and Jim and his family with us.

Having dinner outside on our terrace with a vieuw on the garden. Last week I bought this table set at Ikea and we are very pleased with it. 

At the moment the garden is my pride and joy. I never felt the urge to do something in the garden, but since clearing out last autumn I love it. I can't resist a gardencentre. Every morning the first thing I do is look at the garden. Flourishes something??
Yesterday one of the poppy's opened up and showed their colour. Bright orange and named Rembrandt...

Today the first passionflower showed his amazing colour. My mum used to have them in the window, but this one hopefully will cover the facade.

And the sweet peas are peeping out of the ground. One day it hopefully will be a big bunch of colour and gorgeous smell. I am already looking forward to pick them and put them in a little vase inside.

I don't have time for it, but every now and than I am dreaming of a little allotment..or even better a community garden to grow vegetable..and to share and eat...Perhaps some day it might happen..and than cook the recipes from this book by Yvette van Boven... Simple and Delicious...
I already made the most simple fruitpie out of it. You make a simple dough, roll it out to a circle..put fruit in the middle..I used plums -and tomorrow I will try peaches as the recipe tells- with a little sprinkle of sugar and some almonds. Press the remaining dough to the middle..In the oven...and out came: PURE HEAVEN!!! and my kind of food!!

Work is fine. I am teaching 6 hours a week at Higher Textile Education on the subject Visual Merchandising..or as I name it..Seduce Me.... We can't do window dressing in real in those short hours, but I applied for a creative approach to it..A Living Window Still...So students went up to the terrace on top of the building to make a window...
The BAGLADY appeared...Such Fun!!

It gives me energy to teach there and I have to use my own creativity and knowledge to make the plan for the lessons. They get a lot of (visual)information from me for inspiration, but they also have to work on a big task..

Last Friday I had to wake up very early because we were going with all first years by bus to Antwerp for a visit to the Momu which is a great fashion museum with -always- wonderful exhibitions. This one was named:

The garments from this exhibition are from the collection from Jacoba de Jonge. A now 70 year "young" woman who has collected garments all her life. In the past she organized costume courses at her house. Imagine a house totally filled with garments from the 18th Century till now, weddingdresses, children clothes..and many more... 
I have followed a few of those courses which taught me a lot. Such inspirational evenings with f.e. 18th Century garments on the table which we were allowed to touch, turn over, look at the inside while listening to all the information and stories Jacoba told us. I still have all the writings I made. 

On one evening Jacoba came up with a "Jacobin Cap" wich was worn during the French Revolution. Immediately my mind went to the square in Paris. This cap must have seen the blood running through the streets, heared the screaming from the man who who would die because of the guillotine while listening to the yelling of of the crowd. I was blown away by this and this image stayed in my mind till now.. 
At the museum I had a talk with Jacoba and mentioned this story and she told me that it is one of her favourite items in her collection and that she was surprised to hear this from me. 
Jacoba has donated and sold about 2500 items (just a small part of her collection) to the museum and studens from the next door famous Fashion Academy can use it for their study. There are evening dresses, sport gartments, accessories etc... Pity no Dutch museum was really interested, but Antwerp is not that far away.

But back to the exhibition. It is a Joy to see. If you can go...GO!!.We had a very good guide who told the stories of the garments so interesting that my students really came into the history of the garments. The floor is paited as an old cobble street. There is a beautiful video on the walls. Mirrors so you can see all sides of the garments. The exhibitions in the Momu are always good and special and interesting to see. My pictures didn't came out very well, but here are some..

The painted cobble floor.
The word of Sits..They all match so beautiful..

But luckily for me there is the catalogue with beautiful pictures and the stories behind...
Here are some:
Day Dress round 1900.
Quilted Underskirt..18th Century.

My favourite one from the exhibition is this one...which I did see in real at the course and never forgot.

The dress on the right is made by using the inside from the fabric from a 19th Century dress (round 1889) on the left. The red colour of the short dress came in vogue during the 2nd WW. 
So... imagine a young woman cutting out a panel of an old dress to make the one she must have worn with great pleasure. The luck she must have felt discovering the colour on the inside. Her friends who must have admired her "new" dress. Woman always have used their feeling for fashion and their creativity and ingenuity to look smart. Jacoba also must have felt very special discovering this story.

Ofcourse we had lunch and coffee, a cupcake and a last coffee on a terrace....

When we arrived at the parkingplace near the River Schelde I saw words and sentences at the embankment. They came from a poem made by the former CityPoet Peter Holvoet-Hanssen.
Here are a few of the lines...

At the bookshop I bought the book with all poems from the time he was the City Poet of Antwerp. Inside are poems, stories and lots of picures. A Beautiful Book..

Knitting...Not that much over the last weeks.. Currently I am working on pieces for a Wedding Afghan for my dear Friends Jon and Roy. Made a few already as this one..Planning to do about 10..

When I came home last friday evening after the visit to Antwerp a big surprise was waiting for me at the table from my. A gift from my New Zealand knitting friend James (Thanks so muchXX). Hand dyed sock yarn dyed by him and a piece of great chocolat. They will be beautiful socks I am sure..

3 opmerkingen:

  1. Wat moet je je af en toe machteloos voelen. Zo herkenbaar en zo oneerlijk. Ik lees dat je sterk bent, maar niet alleen. Gelukkig maar.

    Je ziet ook de prachtige dingen in het leven; en die geef je door. Dank je. De liefde voor je vak en de energie spat hier van het scherm!
    heel mooi om te zien.