zondag 3 januari 2010

Sometimes the world looks like a fairytale...

This morning I woke up much earlier than usually on Sunday.. 7.30 exactly..We had the plan to go to Groningen to visit our grandson.. but all night it had been snowing..and we decided not to go. It is freezing also so the roads can be difficult and we have a very small car. So hopefully next week. I had a quick look in our garden and..YES.. the world looked like a fairytale. I love snow because all shapes outside change. We had breakfast, I did some knitting and after that I made a long walk among the river Ijssel. I love that river deeply. 10 years ago when I had to stay home for 1 year because of a burn-out I walked everyday among the river. I watched birds and the change of seasons.It did calm me down and I have thrown a lot of sadness into that river. I like streaming water. It can take with it your sorrow and pain. It cleans the soul I always feel. For me this river is very special and will always be. We are very lucky to live a 2 minutes walk from the river. Bram and I used to walk every evening among the river, but since his mobility is very weak we can't do that any more. Last year it was very difficult for me to walk alone. I missed him than. Now I can handle that better. So this long walk went well and I felt really comfortable with myself. I took the little ferry to cross the river. It only takes a few minutes, but it always gives me a kind of holiday feeling..Yes, those things will happen more in the future I guess. At home I made us a nice hot cocoa made from milk and real chocolate (dark and white) which tasted out of this world and much better than made with cocoa powder. Talking about future. We booked a holiday this summer in... Shetland again. Despite the fact that it will be "heavy" for Bram, we decided to give it a go again. We will stay 3 weeks in 2 cottages and perhaps our friend Tiny will come again for 1 week as she did last year..So something to look out for. We got a lovely touching gift from her yesterday. She made this heart. On one side she did embroider: Loveand on the other side: Patience. I will hang it down in our living room and will change side regularly. This week school starts again (for me after 3,5 weeks because of the flu I had). It is good too I think. Being at home is great but to have nice work is also something very positive. My holiday was good. I did finish the sock for the sock book and send it to England. I am very pleased with the result and love the yarn and colour-combo. Might start in spring with a course to become: Art -coach. It is a project by an Art organisation here in Deventer and they bring together firms/ organisations and artists to bring creativity back into the business. I am still thinking about it..I got some nice comments on this from various friends when I told them (that's really something for you!!) I think I am up for that now. I feel I have something to offer and to tell to them. Strange how it sometimes works in life. When I was young (and even 10 years ago) I was having such a low self-esteem. Didn't like the way I looked or acted.. When I found some pictures made in my youth I found out that I was really looking open into the world when I was about 10. After that it changed for me. I got bullied a lot when I was on secondary school and that has made me very uncertain afterwards. When I got the burn-out that point came back in psychotherapy some years later. I had never spoken about it with anyone, not even with Bram or close friends. It was my secret and it was kept in a big closed box. During an EMDR session the box opened and out came the pain and sorrow and I could see it from different angles. Being a different child than my brothers or schoolmates was one of the reasons. Now I feel relieved from that and I am much more in balance. "I am what I am" is a part of the lyrics from a song. But it is true..and I always keep an eye on students who are uncertain or been bullied. It can go deep into somebody's mind and soul. After finishing my socks I finished my gloves and now I just have cast on the "Herbivore" from Stephen West in a beautiful alpaca. It matches nice with my purple "Koolhaas" (still my favourite hat!) and Reddish gloves. Hope to finish the scarf next week.. And.. should have started with it: A Happy, Wonderful and Loving 2010 for all my Dear Readers