vrijdag 19 maart 2010


Migraine.. every now and than I suffer from a Migraine attack. Last night one suddenly came up when a woke up at 4.30. It is not a good sign for me because usually it means that I haven't taken good care of myself in general. So I had to stay home today (sorry class) after I had taken 2 paracetamol's and a good and deep sleep I feel much better now. Guess sometimes my body reacts when it all becomes too much and than I really have to listen to it. I hadn't had one for a long time but it can hit me suddenly out of nowhere. For years ago it happened once during lessons and my students told me to go home because I looked terrible. Sleep and paracetamol helps me and after it I am really hungry and must eat some sweet things.
So now I am fine but I am still thinking why it has happened. Guess it has to do that the life the both of us are having is dramatically changed. Last night I saw Bram climbing the stairs and it broke my heart because he was so tired and could hardly walk. We are still searching for the reason of his illness and are now in the hands of a healer and we are going to visit an antroposofic doctor in 2 weeks time and we hope things will change. The healer is very special but we can't see a change yet. I am very sensitive I have found out but don't know yet. He also told some amazing things about myself which really hit me and things he really couldn't know. We are open to it, have also a little doubts... but we hope things will change to the better. Writing this blog helps me to keep everything in perspective. Someone told me that it is very personal the things I am writing and if I was aware of that. Yes, that is true and I am aware of it, but I guess I am not the only one in the world who has to deal with those things of life, and knowing that makes a big difference
So this is very much in my mind I guess and that combined with a busy job sometimes gives me a migraine attack. It also has to do with my personality I thinks which is very sensitive and things can hit me very deep and than my emotions start running around in my mind. I guess dealing with the things happening to me and us is not very easy for the both of us. But there is no other choice I also feel and we only can do it our way. Even writing this makes me emotional. It all has to do with doubts and an uncertain feeling because we do not know what is wrong with him. There is no reason found but I see him going farther down every week. We try to live a normal life, even have booked a cottage for the coming summer on Shetland but we both are a bit uncertain if this will work out fine. Perhaps we have to take a wheelchair with us but that is a big step to make for us.It is all easy said: use a wheelchair but the feeling coming with that is something different. We try to keep optimistic in this situation but it is sometimes hard. He is starting his day with tiredness and I start the day with worrying. Work sometimes helps me to forget... The cottage on Shetland is nice and comfortable and we will stay 3 weeks and hope for the best. Knitting still helps me to calm down. I did finish 2 shawls. Another Herbivore and Daybreak. I know Spring is round the corner but I still wear a shawl every day. I have a pair of socks on the needles named: the Nine-To-Five socks in beautiful blue/ purple hand dyed Auracania Ranco Multi yarn. Love it!! I got this yarn as a gift from my knitting friend Dorien who lives in the USA and whom I met a few weeks ago in my school when she was over for a few days. I forgot to take pictures, but we had a nice time together and it was great meeting up in real!!! Yesterday I had to go to The Hague to visit a student who is doing a 20 weeks training at Omar Munie who is a handbag designer. I was touched by his life story: coming from Somalia and having the passion to start his won brand in luxury handbags. My student is doing great over there and I was very proud of her!! After that I did some shopping and bought some more sock-yarn at Woool which is a lovely yarn shop. The Hague is not my favourite city to go but Spring has arrived there too... Spring is my favourite season when everything starts again...
P.S.1. I got wonderful news this afternoon. After writing my entry about the blue print studio in Puchov I got a mail from my friend Miro in which he wrote that he a had a talk with the family and that the son will take over the firm and that they are thinking of setting up a museum in town and that the city council is willing to help. I really hope this will work out fine and that one day I can visit the museum and buy some more beautiful fabric.
P.s.2. After writing the entry this afternoon I got a wonderful mail from a friend and that has kept me thinking. I guess I am just frightened and my fear is the biggest enemy for coming in terms with it. Fear of what "they" will think of it, fear for reactions.. etc. Maybe that is what I can learn from it to get over my fear and live more in the moment..

3 opmerkingen:

  1. Lieve Schatten.
    In gedachten stuur ik grote bossen positiviteit en energie naar jullie toe. Hopelijk helpt het een beetje.
    Bedankt voor je openheid en eerlijkheid. Bijzonder dat we dit zo dicht met jullie mee mogen maken. Voor mij heel bijzonder en intiem om mee te mogen lezen in je gedachten.
    Hoop enorm dat iets gaat helpen en dat er een positieve verandering mag komen.
    In gedachten bij jullie.

    X X X

  2. het is heel raar om te reageren. Uit je blog ken ik je alleen, en dat voelt fijn. Maar jij kent mij helemaal niet, en dat voelt heel vreemd, om je dan toch een reaktie te sturen.
    Mijn man is onlangs overleden aan complicaties bij MS. Hij is maar 51 jaar geworden. In al die jaren hebben we ons voorgenomen om ons geen zorgen te maken, en vooral te leven. We leefden niet met de dag, maar met de jaren.
    In al die jaren bleek, dat als we uiteindelijk toegegeven hadden aan weer een hulpmiddel,zoals een rolstoel of een scootmobiel, of een traplift, dat het leven daar zo ontzettend veel rijker van werd. we waren achteraf altijd verbaasd en verbijsterd dat je zolang tegen een hulpmiddel aanhikt, terwijl als je het hebt, je je zelf voor de kop kunt slaan dat je het niet eerder hebt aangeschaft.
    En laat de rest maar waaien. Alleen doen wat je zelf belangrijk vind.