But this morning I went to see the film : A Single Man directed by Tom Ford with Colin Firth and Julianne Moore (2 of my favourite actors). It was a breath taking experience. The story is by Christopher Isherwood and situated in LA in 1962. It tells the story of 1 day in the life of a 52 year old professor who lost his lover in a car accident.I am not going to tell details but this film is really worth seeing.For me this movie is already one of the best from 2010! Not because the whole film looks amazing virtually (we couldn't expect less from Tom Ford who used to be the designer who made Gucci famous again) but all actors gave me the feeling that it was a real story which need to be told. In those years being openly gay was not accepted and 2 men living openly together was not something you would speak about. Everything changed (more or less) in the 70's and after watching the film I was so happy that I am living in this era and not in that secret world in the past. My "coming out" was round 1980 after I had a relation with a girl for half a year (she is still one of my best friends) and in the meantime I did fall in love with a man. For me that has been a real struggle to come in terms with. I have felt very lonely during my youth and could not speak over or as Oscar Wilde wrote: The Love that dare not speak it's name. Coming from a traditional background the step I had to take was not an easy one. In my youth I have always felt different and strange in a way compared to other friends from school. They were all taking about girls and for me that was not something I would do and I wouldn't speak about boys either. I was all very confusing and I remember going to the library to find out what the word Homosexual meant and I knew it was about me, but I felt very shocked afterwards. It was about me and I didn't dare to speak about it. There were no role models at that time or any good information. Going to the Social Academy to become Cultural worker I got confronted with the the label: GAY. One day they made a kind of huge diorama and when you looked in to it you could see 2 men holding eachother and in 1 face they put a mirror, so you would be that person who was hold by the other man. I felt shocked but couldn't talk about it and I knew it was me longing to be hold that way. Anyway.. it took some years to open up and to go into the open with my feelings and desires. I wasn't man who would go from one to another (to soft and emotional to do that)as some did in those days. I was looking for love and a man to share my life with. Of course I had some experiences which didn't work out the way I was hoping that time. But at the age of 24 I fell in love with Bram who was 48 at that time. Maybe that sound strange but we both had the feeling we knew each other already and the age difference was not an issue (being 51 now myself I still don't feel old) We immediately started living together (not an easy 1st year)and all the experiences in the past have bounded us much more. We have had hard times with Bram losing his job, difficult financial times, me losing work many times, Bram's health condition right now etc. All those experiences can make it really work between people I think if you are going into more or less the same direction. I have always felt a great love for Bram in good and in bad times (for better for worse we promised each other 2 years ago when we got married) and I feel so lucky to live with him. It has never been dull or boring and we always have something to talk about. He couldn't go with me this morning to the film because of the way he is now but I will buy the DVD and I am almost sure he will like the film as much as I do. And watching this film together at home will be wonderful.
P.s. Normally I never write a blog post each day, but I am having holiday this week.. so that's why.